in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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