So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
