I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You're like the curious george of whores
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
