Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
