I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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