She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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