Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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