how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
