i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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