I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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