Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He? As in you personified your dick?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
