Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
