my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
