no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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