i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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