Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
