Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
