Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
