I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Success! We fucked roommates!
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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