i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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