She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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