Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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