There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
