I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
