you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
