She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
