just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
