Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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