i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
vagina is talking i cant
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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