I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
