you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
