How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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