And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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