Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
