I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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