saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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