My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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