i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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