we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
