Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
