dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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