Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
