he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Just puked most of my soul out..
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
