i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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