you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
