He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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