so explain again why im purple
no
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
