you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
