Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
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