2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
